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Big Foot In Colorado

Jorgy

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I'm, going to need some time stamped picture of when Cushman arrived in Montana for the spring bear hunt, I think I could solve this pretty quick :)


http://worldnewsdailyreport.com/colorado-hunter-claims-he-was-sexually-assaulted-by-a-sasquatch/


COLORADO: HUNTER CLAIMS HE WAS SEXUALLY ASSAULTED BY A SASQUATCH

Darrel Whitaker, from Glenwood Springs in Colorado, claims a sasquatch attacked him and attempted to rape him while he was walking in the woods.

The 57-year old man was walking to his hunting cabin on Sunday, to see if it had suffered any damage during the winter.

All of a sudden, a large “gorilla-like” creature dropped from a tree in front of him punched him in the face.

“It was at least 8-foot tall and it’s punches hurt like hell! I was knocked right out at the first blow!”

While Mr. Whitaker was trying to recover from the attack, the large humanoid creature began to tear his clothes while letting out some terrifying howls.

“When I regained consciousness, he had already torn my pants and was tearing through my underwear. I stabbed him in the shoulder with my hunting knife, and that made him run away.”

Mr. Whitaker immediately reported the attack to both the Glenwood Springs Police Department (GSPD) and the Colorado Parks and Wildlife agency, and a joint investigation has been launched.

bigfootprint
Investigators found some extremely large footprints on the site, which they believe are those of the aggressor.
Darrel Whitaker is convinced that the creature who attacked him was a sasquatch, but the GSPD investigators say it’s more probable that the attacker is simply a particularly large and hairy man.

They are currently interrogating nearby residents to see if anyone noticed an individual corresponding to the description of the suspect.

According to the victim, the attacker measure around 8-foot tall and is extremely hairy. He has brown hair, dark brown eyes and extremely large feet.

If you possess any information concerning the suspect, please contact the Glenwood Springs Police Department or the Colorado Parks and Wildlife agency
 
Maybe there's a dna "sample" on his clothing.

Also, doubtful its Cushman, there would have been flip flop tracks.

I did receive a text from John holding a turkey. He said he was in MT....:rolleyes:

Has anyone heard from Dink lately?

I think the Onion will be carrying the follow-up story.
 
86335f316b5161cbf9240a17f9339472_my-cummins-dealer-has-a-room-squeal-like-a-pig-memes_500-261.jpeg
 
Maybe there's a dna "sample" on his clothing.

Bingo.

I seriously doubt Bigfoot exists, but if I ever see one and I'm properly equipped, I'm taking that shot from any angle I can. It'll be known as the "Opoponax Bigfoot" and I'll be friggin' famous forever. I'd write one book after the next and make millions. At some point, when sales got soft, I'd bring UFOs into the picture and sell even more.
 
Hey, you want to go camping this weekend? Just asking for a friend.

Looking back at how I worded that didn't sound quite right! Lol! I meant that, I wouldn't tell the news or anyone out of people thinking that I was violated by Bigfoot and think that I'm a nut or smoking too much weed.
That sounds better, right!
I hope that sounds better.
 
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Hey, no reason to get personal there Tex....:p


(Note the "stick out tongue" emoticon indicates sarcasm for those that don't know I'm ribbing Ken, it should also apply to those who think this is actually a real journalistic article)...

Recommended guide.....;)

 
Maybe there's a dna "sample" on his clothing.

Also, doubtful its Cushman, there would have been flip flop tracks.

CORRECTION: Croc's... ;) Cush does not flip flop around... He is a Taco Bell, coca...-cola...fiend and his croc's are his "officially" endorsed footwear.
 
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