Elkhunter
05-29-2001, 07:27 PM
THINGS YOU SHOULD KNOW ABOUT WOMEN
~ Women think all beer is the same.
~ Women brush their hair before bed.
~ Women are paid less than men, except for one field: Modeling.
~ Women never have anything to wear. Don't question the racks of
clothes in the closet; you 'just don't understand'.
~ Women need to cry. And they won't do it alone unless they know you
can hear them.
~ Women will always ask questions that have no right answer, in an
effort to trap you into feeling guilty.
~ Women need to feel like there are people worse off than they are.
That's why soap operas and Oprah Winfrey-type shows are so successful.
~ Women always go to public restrooms in groups. It gives them a
chance to gossip.
~ Women do not know anything about cars. 'Oil-stick, oil doesn't
stick?'
~ Women love to talk. Silence intimidates them and they feel a need to
fill it, even if they have nothing to say.
~ Women hate bugs. Even the strong-willed ones need a man around when
there's a spider or a wasp involved.
~ Women can't keep secrets. They eat away at them from the inside. And
they don't view it as being untrustworthy, providing they only tell
two or three people.
~ Women love to shop. It is the one area of the world where they feel
like they're actually in control.
~ Women especially love a bargain. The question of 'need' is
irrelevant; so don't bother pointing it out. Anything on sale is fair
game.
~ Women never understand why men love toys. Men understand that they
wouldn't need toys if women had an 'on/off' switch.
~ Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women aren't
looking, men kick cats.
~ Women have better restrooms. They get the nice chairs and red
carpet. Men just get a large bowl to share.
~ The average number of items in a typical woman's bathroom is 437. A
man would not be able to identify most of these items.
~ Women don't understand the appeal of sports. Men seek
entertainment that allows them to escape reality. Women seek
entertainment that reminds them of how horrible things could be.
~ Women can't refuse to answer a ringing phone, no matter what she's
doing. It might be the lottery calling.
~ If a man goes on a seven-day trip, he'll pack five days worth of
clothes and will wear some things twice; if a woman goes on a seven
day trip she'll pack 21 outfits because she doesn't know what she'll
feel like wearing each day.
~ Women keep three different shampoos and two different conditioners
in the shower. After a woman showers, the bathroom will smell like a
tropical rain forest.
~ Women are never wrong. Apologizing is the man's responsibility,
'It's there in the Bible'. Hmmm, who was it that gave Adam the apple?
~ Women think all beer is the same.
~ Women brush their hair before bed.
~ Women are paid less than men, except for one field: Modeling.
~ Women never have anything to wear. Don't question the racks of
clothes in the closet; you 'just don't understand'.
~ Women need to cry. And they won't do it alone unless they know you
can hear them.
~ Women will always ask questions that have no right answer, in an
effort to trap you into feeling guilty.
~ Women need to feel like there are people worse off than they are.
That's why soap operas and Oprah Winfrey-type shows are so successful.
~ Women always go to public restrooms in groups. It gives them a
chance to gossip.
~ Women do not know anything about cars. 'Oil-stick, oil doesn't
stick?'
~ Women love to talk. Silence intimidates them and they feel a need to
fill it, even if they have nothing to say.
~ Women hate bugs. Even the strong-willed ones need a man around when
there's a spider or a wasp involved.
~ Women can't keep secrets. They eat away at them from the inside. And
they don't view it as being untrustworthy, providing they only tell
two or three people.
~ Women love to shop. It is the one area of the world where they feel
like they're actually in control.
~ Women especially love a bargain. The question of 'need' is
irrelevant; so don't bother pointing it out. Anything on sale is fair
game.
~ Women never understand why men love toys. Men understand that they
wouldn't need toys if women had an 'on/off' switch.
~ Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women aren't
looking, men kick cats.
~ Women have better restrooms. They get the nice chairs and red
carpet. Men just get a large bowl to share.
~ The average number of items in a typical woman's bathroom is 437. A
man would not be able to identify most of these items.
~ Women don't understand the appeal of sports. Men seek
entertainment that allows them to escape reality. Women seek
entertainment that reminds them of how horrible things could be.
~ Women can't refuse to answer a ringing phone, no matter what she's
doing. It might be the lottery calling.
~ If a man goes on a seven-day trip, he'll pack five days worth of
clothes and will wear some things twice; if a woman goes on a seven
day trip she'll pack 21 outfits because she doesn't know what she'll
feel like wearing each day.
~ Women keep three different shampoos and two different conditioners
in the shower. After a woman showers, the bathroom will smell like a
tropical rain forest.
~ Women are never wrong. Apologizing is the man's responsibility,
'It's there in the Bible'. Hmmm, who was it that gave Adam the apple?